text // advertisement

[blastiafreak]

Attention: One middle-aged pervert for sale to responsible owner. He is housetrained, probably, but has problems overcoming lecherous habits.

Buyer should be strict, willing to enforce boundaries, and capable of tolerating high quantities of tentacles. Patience of a saint is a good asset but not required. Young, pretty girls should refrain from bidding and are advised to keep a distance of a hundred yards, minimum.

Bidding starts at one red. Leash is included.

[ooc: Tentacles? You want context? What, he just likes seafood. Like, a lot. And that includes calamari.]

Comments

voice

[deadly_legacy]

Oh, I'll bid one red!

voice

[notschwann.livejournal.com]

O-oh, ya will, huh?

video~

[blastiafreak]

No. That bid is rejected.

video~

[notschwann.livejournal.com]

Hey, that's not fair!

voice

[deadly_legacy]

Yes, of course. Though that sounds a little low, doesn't it? But it's what she asked for!

...Do you have a dog, Raven? [Leash?]

voice

[notschwann.livejournal.com]

Why, do ya want one?

voice

[deadly_legacy]

That might be fun, but no, I was just wondering why you would come with a leash.

voice

[notschwann.livejournal.com]

O-oh, that's just Rita jokin' around!

voice

[blastiafreak]

I was serious. I tested it myself on a monster--it's extra strong, more than capable of keeping you under control. And it comes with a spiked metal collar, too!

voice

[notschwann.livejournal.com]

Damn, Rita.

voice

[deadly_legacy]

It was an odd sort of introduction...

Are you enjoying the auction?

voice

[notschwann.livejournal.com]

Well, I'd be enjoyin' it more if Rita didn't veto the good bids...

video~

[blastiafreak]

Huh? Euphie?! H-hey, didn't you hear the whole part about him being a pervert?

video~

[deadly_legacy]

I assumed you were teasing him like when his friends call him old. He's very nice. We spent an afternoon at the amusement park once. It was fun.

video~

[blastiafreak]

You spent a whole...[Groooans.] No, I'm serious! He can be all right--sometimes, maybe--but look, this is the guy who'd like nothing more than to see through your clothing!

Re: video~

[deadly_legacy]

See through my clothing? Why would he want to do that?

And why did you reject my bid? I'll raise it to one orange instead!

...You don't mean while I'm wearing it do you?

video~

[blastiafreak]

That's it. It's the one superpower he'd give everything to have.

Euphie, this is for your own safety. [Nods, like this is making any sense.] I can't let you bid on him.

video~

[deadly_legacy]

Rita, I'm sure Raven wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Isn't he your friend?

I could wear extra thick clothes...

video~

[blastiafreak]

W-well, sure, but..th-that's exactly why! I have to take responsibility and make sure he doesn't do anything shady.

[S-saying no to that face...so difficult.]

video~

[deadly_legacy]

Maybe you should go on the date too then!

video~

[notschwann.livejournal.com]

What? No!

video~

[deadly_legacy]

What's wrong, Raven? Isn't she a friend of yours?

video~ 1/2

[blastiafreak]

What?! N-no way--just the thought of that is...

video~

[blastiafreak]

...L-look, if you really it want him that badly...F-fine, your bid at one orange. But if you get him and he does anything, just tell me and I'll clobber him on the spot!

video~

[deadly_legacy]

[Giggles] That is a very nice offer, Rita. I'm sure Yuri and Flynn would too, so I don't think he would do anything inappropriate. I would hate to see him in so much danger.