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Attention: One middle-aged pervert for sale to responsible owner. He is housetrained, probably, but has problems overcoming lecherous habits.

Buyer should be strict, willing to enforce boundaries, and capable of tolerating high quantities of tentacles. Patience of a saint is a good asset but not required. Young, pretty girls should refrain from bidding and are advised to keep a distance of a hundred yards, minimum.

Bidding starts at one red. Leash is included.

[ooc: Tentacles? You want context? What, he just likes seafood. Like, a lot. And that includes calamari.]